All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they where often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naive. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: That I am nobody but myself. -Ralph Ellison, from Invisible Man

Sunday, August 07, 2005


If you've done something wrong and had only been given two choices in life, would you rather be executed to death or be prosecuted in jail for a lifetime? This is a common debate topic so I want to get over it. There was once a story I've read during my sophomore years in highschool. This includes a man who is a lawyer and another guy who is a businessman. When they were having a party on a businessman's house, the panel of people came to a topic that made the whole house pay a really close attention. Be reminded that this people are all high-class professionals. Now, they started arguing about what's vital to law and at the same time vital to human rights. They say that if a fugitive does a crime and driven to the verdict of law, what should be a more humane thing to do? To be killed due to what he had done, or to be sent in jail for a lifetime. All of them made a point, but they didn't came up to agree with eachother. The businessman made a bet to prove what is more humane between the two choices and said that he would dearly give a huge sum of his money to someone who'd love to do the challenge. A young lawyer agreed to take the test. The challege was for the lawyer to stay locked up for ten years in the businessman's small shelter in the backyard, it has a small window as small as a shoebox that made a way for the keeper to give him his daily ration of food and books that he had requested, the little window was also the only way he could see the world outside. He could still play the piano if he wants to, and a single bed, a desk with a chair together with a lampshade was also provided. Years go by and the lawyer had extended his knowledge to the most extreme just by reading tons of books, they could also often hear him sing and play the piano. It seems that he actually enjoys his prosecution that he even request wine during most of his dinners. Now about five years had passed, his mind is very well superb, like a genius of all geniuses. But they don't hear him sing songs now, and the piano would remain untouched for months before he would play with it again. Still, the delivery of books continued at the used pace. Until the given time for him to be free was near to end. The businessman feared that he would loose his money so he decided to go inside the shelter four hours before the lawyer wakes-up and kill him himself. So the businessman went inside, he saw the lawyer pailer than ever. His appearance don't seems to show his age. His almost fifteen years older that what he should look like, the features for his supposed chronological age just doesn't show. The business man noticed a paper folded above the desk with his name on it. He then read it before deciding to kill the lawyer. As he read it, the letter shows how the lawyer's hatred upon the whole world, he despise it more than anything. He said that people are stupid and they don't know what they are doing, they are bastards, bind and selfish. They are so selfish that they always end-up hurting and destroying themselves. It also states that life is not amazing after all, it just makes us greive, like it's just playing with us. We are so blind-folded that we hadn't notice that we are living and fighting for survival but never thinking that everything would be worthless afterwards, everyone is destined to die and be forgotten. Life is a waist of time. People are arrogant, ignorant, and the most cruelsome animal among any other living creature, we are ruthless and brutal. That's what the lawyer had left, a reckless use of expression but somehow states the truth. The business man wondered and looked on the lawyer's pale face, he was discouraged to kill him knowing the things that had troubled him all this time plus to that fact that the lawyer said on the letter that he is not interested on the businessman's money, he wont take any from him. He'll rather be glad to be gone out of sight before the said time for him to be free and merrily step away from the greedy world of people. Therefore leaving an understanding that he'll kill himself. He businessman pitty the lawyer, but he had no choice, this was the lawyer's decission. So before the alotted time for the lawyer's freedom, he was nowhere to be found. Later on it was found that he had stanggled himself to death. For him to be gone is better than to fight for what he considered a waste of time. It's just like how we feel when we totally despise something, it's better to leave it to that and don't bother no more...that's what we are and what more can we say? Now for you, if you were put into a situation just like this one...what would you do after being away from everything else and learning that all you've done in the past and at this present time is worth not a single bit of a thing? Would you still move on? Or would you just put it to rest just like what the lawyer did? For me..it might not be a good idea for someone but i'll still move on...who care's if it's all crap and nonsense? After all, would you feel a single emotion---anger, love, agitation, or anything else if you don't have life? I believe you won't...this is the only opportunity for everyone to experience the trill that no other much more blessed could ever have. This was bestowed upon us, if you gave up along your journey, that just means you gave up because you're scared to go on, you don't want to be hurt and that is cowardice. You must fight and fighting proves your existence. We are all special and a masterpiece indeed.

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